The show Dexter, which is on Showtime is coming to CBS. I bought the first season of it yesterday so that I don't need my friend mentioned in my last post in order to watch it. The show is phenomenal and I feel like his monologues are scarily similar the the words I tell myself in my head. No, I am not a serial killer. Yet. Kidding. Kiiiidddiiinng. Please don't report me. If you haven't seen this show I highly recommend it. So far it's good. It needs to pick up on the non major character development side of things in my opinion but I love the concept and Michael C Hall is hot hot hot. Anyway, I will be forced to watch 6 hours of television a day until I am done with season one. That puts me to about...2 viewings. Luckily theres only 12 episodes.
Second day of running...IN A ROW. This is a good thing. I have ran three out of the last four days. I intend to keep it up as long as its warm. er. Thats all for now.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
They spell it PUGLIA (OOGLIA)
Lately at work, I have been experiencing the strangeness that comes with having people who actually care. Not because they have to because they know you, or are committed to you but because it is a lifestyle for them. The people i love, and know very well do care about me yes. There isn't really anything that is quite the same though, as feeling the caring of someone who doesn't really have to care for you back. My work is filled with strong Christians, and although I know it doesn't take being a Christian to care for a stranger, I can feel the positivity and the love that comes from being there every day. As mindless as my job feels sometimes, I love my co-workers. Some of them are annoying. Some of them don't know when to shut up. They all have good hearts though. They are unselfish and generally very humble, a quality I strive for and desire to surround myself with. I actually felt like I got something done today at work to which is different than usual. I had to work pretty hard to find these parts that got aired in from Germany and placed in the wrong warehouse.
As much as a I love my job, i cant stop dreaming about this very very remote possibility that I may have to go to Italy. I found a want ad by a woman looking for someone to house sit and look after her dog next winter. I don't see myself ever getting this job but good job for her, she now has an official American stalker. I just cant see myself ever getting anywhere anymore after all the disappointment's and frustration that I have had in the last four years. It paralyzes me and even if I dont get this job, I am proud of myself for even being brave enough to be let down. I know that the whole thing about how you cant succeed if you never try thing is super cliche, but in all honesty I feel like that is the way I am slowly learning to live my life, but opposite. You cant fail if you never try. So in this time, while I am somewhat financially stable I am trying to turn that attitude around. I am trying to not be afraid of failure anymore. Taking the job I had now was really hard for me and I am glad I did it. I don't know where I would be if I had said no because I was too afraid. I am not sure where the fearless girl I used to know went but if I can find her I will.
I am having a bit of a difficult time right now. I cant be to specific as certain people do read this blog who could use what I say against me. But, my very good friend who I have learned to lean on probably too much has found a "relationship" of sorts and I am kind of jealous because he hasn't called me in two weeks and hasn't wanted to hang out for a while. I just feel like he is going to be like all my other "friends", he is going to drop me like a fucking hot pocket as soon as something better comes along. I hope he doesn't but if and when he does I am 100% mentally out of here. I don't know what I will do if he proves himself to be like everybody else. So far hes stuck with me through a lot but the outlook looks grim. Honestly, if he fucks me over I am gone and he can go fuck himself. Same old story, boys, girls, rugby people, church friends, camp friends. I need out.
My room is a pile of clothes again as usual. I cleaned the kitchen real good tonight but now I have to do this so that I can make sure its clean for the weekend. Bang and I (my friend who haaas stuck by me) are doing a diet together and I hope it encourages her to lose some of the weight she has been trying to lose forever. She has been annoying me a little lately but at the same time she has been a really good friend. I told her some things that I hadnt been exactly honest with her about, and instead of getting mad at me she just told me I was stupid and that I should have just told her the truth. I apologized fro lying to her and she said it was ok but that she wasn't going to judge me and it was exactly what I needed to hear. It feels so good to have her accept me for who I am no matter how different we are. SHe is so argumentative and frustrating but I need to learn to be less prideful and less condescending and just let her be right sometimes when its not important. She deserves a friend who is as accepting of her faults as she is of mine and I dont think I have been doing a good job of that the last few months. We have been spending some good quality time together lately so thats good. Prolly cuz the two nights a week i have to spend with my other friend, she is home but I am usually not. Now I am. She is pressuring me to go on a vacation with her to Puerto Rico this summer though and I can't for the life of me see why she would want to go to a hot country while its so gorgeous and warm in MN. I guess i can see why, (its cheap) but I don't want to spend all that money when I can be all warm outside for free.
Thats all for now.
The new lyrics I put on my *social network* of choice. OH songs that describe my life, what would i do without you? Its how I feel. Thats right. I'm emo.
"My life's a combination of my past achievements
With a lotta heavy lifting, lotta deep breathing
A lotta courage, lotta doubts a lotta mixed feelings
A lotta love a lotta luggage for a lotta reasons
I ain't forgot about the pain and all the mistreatments
I ain't forgot the little box they try to wiggle me in
I ain't forgot about the flower deep underneath the crowded streets
Sprouting inbetween the cracks see me shout baby
Follow like a lock in, in the Colliseum
And you can positive I think I'm in the mausoleum
You think I'll ever hang it up hoh body stop dreaming
You think I'll ever stop oh baby now you're reaching
I won't stop till I feel my lungs stop breathing
I won't stop till I feel my heart stop beating" -Lyrics Born
As much as a I love my job, i cant stop dreaming about this very very remote possibility that I may have to go to Italy. I found a want ad by a woman looking for someone to house sit and look after her dog next winter. I don't see myself ever getting this job but good job for her, she now has an official American stalker. I just cant see myself ever getting anywhere anymore after all the disappointment's and frustration that I have had in the last four years. It paralyzes me and even if I dont get this job, I am proud of myself for even being brave enough to be let down. I know that the whole thing about how you cant succeed if you never try thing is super cliche, but in all honesty I feel like that is the way I am slowly learning to live my life, but opposite. You cant fail if you never try. So in this time, while I am somewhat financially stable I am trying to turn that attitude around. I am trying to not be afraid of failure anymore. Taking the job I had now was really hard for me and I am glad I did it. I don't know where I would be if I had said no because I was too afraid. I am not sure where the fearless girl I used to know went but if I can find her I will.
I am having a bit of a difficult time right now. I cant be to specific as certain people do read this blog who could use what I say against me. But, my very good friend who I have learned to lean on probably too much has found a "relationship" of sorts and I am kind of jealous because he hasn't called me in two weeks and hasn't wanted to hang out for a while. I just feel like he is going to be like all my other "friends", he is going to drop me like a fucking hot pocket as soon as something better comes along. I hope he doesn't but if and when he does I am 100% mentally out of here. I don't know what I will do if he proves himself to be like everybody else. So far hes stuck with me through a lot but the outlook looks grim. Honestly, if he fucks me over I am gone and he can go fuck himself. Same old story, boys, girls, rugby people, church friends, camp friends. I need out.
My room is a pile of clothes again as usual. I cleaned the kitchen real good tonight but now I have to do this so that I can make sure its clean for the weekend. Bang and I (my friend who haaas stuck by me) are doing a diet together and I hope it encourages her to lose some of the weight she has been trying to lose forever. She has been annoying me a little lately but at the same time she has been a really good friend. I told her some things that I hadnt been exactly honest with her about, and instead of getting mad at me she just told me I was stupid and that I should have just told her the truth. I apologized fro lying to her and she said it was ok but that she wasn't going to judge me and it was exactly what I needed to hear. It feels so good to have her accept me for who I am no matter how different we are. SHe is so argumentative and frustrating but I need to learn to be less prideful and less condescending and just let her be right sometimes when its not important. She deserves a friend who is as accepting of her faults as she is of mine and I dont think I have been doing a good job of that the last few months. We have been spending some good quality time together lately so thats good. Prolly cuz the two nights a week i have to spend with my other friend, she is home but I am usually not. Now I am. She is pressuring me to go on a vacation with her to Puerto Rico this summer though and I can't for the life of me see why she would want to go to a hot country while its so gorgeous and warm in MN. I guess i can see why, (its cheap) but I don't want to spend all that money when I can be all warm outside for free.
Thats all for now.
The new lyrics I put on my *social network* of choice. OH songs that describe my life, what would i do without you? Its how I feel. Thats right. I'm emo.
"My life's a combination of my past achievements
With a lotta heavy lifting, lotta deep breathing
A lotta courage, lotta doubts a lotta mixed feelings
A lotta love a lotta luggage for a lotta reasons
I ain't forgot about the pain and all the mistreatments
I ain't forgot the little box they try to wiggle me in
I ain't forgot about the flower deep underneath the crowded streets
Sprouting inbetween the cracks see me shout baby
Follow like a lock in, in the Colliseum
And you can positive I think I'm in the mausoleum
You think I'll ever hang it up hoh body stop dreaming
You think I'll ever stop oh baby now you're reaching
I won't stop till I feel my lungs stop breathing
I won't stop till I feel my heart stop beating" -Lyrics Born
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Martha
Kicking ass as usual