Why does our society fuck itself?

Today I would like to explore the idea of things such as "good manners" and "social acceptability." I am specifically interested in the idea and the social norm of eating with silverware. Now, I understand that good manners in America are derived from Europe for the most part. That manners were originally seen as a marked difference between the upper and lower classes makes sense. However, times have changed, the way you appear in public has more to do with the physical presence established through your dress and your material wealth than in how you present yourself. In this way, I can still see how dressing up has some power within American society. Manners no longer divide the classes, for the most part all Americans are taught relatively the same manners and the strictness with which those manners are observed relies less on ones social class and more on ones parents. However, we are a society now where classes are divided by money. We show that we have money by the things we own, our education and our dress. But since manners are no longer a class divider (although they are arguably a race divider) why have they not been driven out by the younger generations as so many other older ideas have been rejected. There has been a slight shift in what is acceptable for ladies i.e eating larger portions, wearing pants at dinner, drinking alcohol in public.... but for the general portion of the public the rules have not really changed. The popularity of etiquette dinners astounds me. People actually go to them so that they can learn which fork goes with a salad and which with a meal. They learn that coffee and teacups are served with their handle at a forty five degree angle on the right hand side away from the person and that all their silverware is to be presented about 3/4 of an inch from the end of the table. GAG ME. WHO THE FUCK CARES? The wierd part is, people really do. As a college student, I have learned that spoons are the way to go. They are invaluable. Most foods never really need a fork. Of course the opposite is true with spaghetti? My mother always made me twirl it onto my spoon with my fork (which was completely impossible) and then attempt to work an already too large circle of pasta into my mouth. The problem is, if you get a small forkfull it won't twirl! So screw spoons, I just eat it with a fork and bite it off when the bite gets too big. This isn't good manners though. I have been looked at oddly before for it. But its more comfortable! Face it people, nobody likes to go through all that dilly dally for a frikking forkful of pasta. Then there are stews. In countries like India, most food is stew and most stew is eaten with your hands. You use your Naan to sop up the stew and pinch it together with your fingers....WHY HASNT THE U.S CAUGHT ON TO THIS???? I think its because we see it as a little below us. I mean, surely its fun to go to an indian restaurant and sit there and be like "oooo this is just sooooo ethnic Suzie!" But underlying that statement is the assumption that eating food with your fingers is special because it's not something your'e allowed to do in America. I just don't understand why not? Its "fun" right? It's practical. It saves a lot of dishes. I mean, yea not everything is easy to eat without a fork and knife. I am not saying we should abolish silverware. I am just saying that it makes no sense to eat with silverware that doesnt work well, to look down on people who do eat with their fingers(and if I cared enough I could write a whole thing on how calling a food ethnic in modern day America is like calling it 2nd class) And I don't understand how with all these breakthroughs with regards to gender and class and even age, we can't get past the old fashioned concept of good etiquette. I mean shit, there are guys who beat their wives who probably know which fork to use on a salad? Does that make them a better person? Why do people look at all those shitty outward things? I have a proposal. It's because we are LAZY. Hopefully eventually we will be so lazy that etiquette such as silverware will become unpopular, but right now we are too lazy to spend more than 8 seconds judging someone so we allow all of these old fashioned rules to stick, and dont bother racking our brains for signals like good eye contact, genuinity, a nice smile, going out of your way for other people. Sure people pay attention to those things, but thats after they have weeded out the guy who has a funny walk and wears clothes from the early seventies that werent cool then. Oh that guy also cuts all his steak up at once and licks his fingers after eating his chicken wings in a resteraunt. He also double dips, uses his meal fork for both his salad and meal and has holes in his jeans. Did I mention that that he can't pronounce the type of wine he wants and he talks with his mouth full (althoughe he tries not to show you a mouthful offood)? Good thing you weeded him out. Now youll never have to make yourself uncomfortable and you can talk to either that bitchy Bethel girl sitting next to you or your grandma who should have been dead by now but has managed to hang on because she feeds off of criticizing people like that man in her head. Your choice.
I know that manners helped create an organized society, but now that we have an organized society, I think the brilliant people should get on the bandwagon (they are usually the social outcasts anyway) and bring down the faceless idiots who decide what degree I want my teacup at. I drink with my left hand damnit.

After looking up a few choice dinner ediquette recommendations I wanted to throw a few of my favorites in from some websites.

The formal dineer never begins before seven o'clock; the time usually is eight or eight-thirty.


At a formal dinner, the host enters the dining room first with the woman guest of honor on his right arm. The other guests follow in couples; the hostess enters last with the most important man
Once seated, unfold your napkin and use it for occasionally wiping your lips or fingers. At the end of dinner, leave the napkin tidily on the place setting.

Hold the knife and fork with the handles in the palm of the hand, forefinger on top, and thumb underneath.

Whether to serve the hostess or the woman guest of honor first is still a debated question.

It is inappropriate to ask for a doggy bag when you are a guest. Save the doggy bag for informal dining situations. (this way you don't look like you need the food)

Whilst (no joke, it says whilst) eating, rest the knife and fork on either side of the plate between mouthfuls. When you have finished eating, place them side by side in the centre of the plate.

Desserts may be eaten with both a spoon and fork, or alternatively a fork alone if it is a cake or pastry style sweet.

Should a lady wish to be excused for the bathroom, it is polite for the gentlemen to stand up as she leaves the table, sit down again, and then stand once more when she returns.

Forks should not be turned over unless being used for eating peas, sweetcorn kernels, rice or other similar foods. In which case, it should be transferred to the right hand. However, at a casual buffet, or barbecue, it is quite acceptable to eat with just a fork.



WHEW. Good thing I know this stuff now. People who eat food with their fingers must be either crazy, unreliable, not worth my time or worse.....foreign.