I Never Want to Go Back

So, after much careful consideration, much long deliberation I have decided to go for it. I mean, Fuck it! Iv'e been hit harder, I've been hurt worse. Now, I am invincible. I'm made of brick and titanium. My treasure lays in heaven, my hope with God. Nothing here can take that away. In the end, I won't regret feeling, I won't regret living my life with passion. Why just keep that passion limited to friendships, working, playing? I want it to seep into my soul. I want to live the life I said I would a long time ago. He made me forget that it was possible. Well fuck him! Thats right, fuck you Jon. You can't control with some omnipotent hand, the way I live, how I interact with other people. You hurt me but you will never be able to again. I am going to be full of second chances, full of hope for new romances, full of pain when things that are fragile break. I will embrace it, let it teach me, but refuse to let it give rise to callus feeling. This summer, I have started living life again, feeling God's grace and no matter what happens next year with my job, my friends, boys or money I won't be able to forget the hot heat and softer dreams of this summer. It's time to cut off the things that aren't good for me, its time to chase the things that will grow me as a person. Last summer, I expressed to the important boy in my life that we had to part ways, that I was going to find myself. I have spent about a year now searching for that self and although I have by no means figured it all out, I think I have found her. I am finally starting to make some progress in that search for the girl who was lost. Sound dramatic? It is. This last year has been tumultuous at best. This summer so far has been a peaceful dream and has given me chances to fix what is wrong in my life. I am far from there, but I am finally seeing that I have let fear drive me for about two years now. So much fear, and now I am seeing what it means to live without it. I never ever want to go back.