Hot Nature Time

Yesterday I went to the Interstate State Park in Taylors Falls. It was pretty fun, a gorgeous park although it was nothing compared to the North Shore. When I decided to go hiking, I was originally going to go alone but I changed my mind at the last second. B for Bologna and I have been spending quite a bit of time indoors on my couch specifically. Making out. Specifically. So, I decided to invite him to go with me. When we got to the park, what I had in mind was kind of an aimless quiet walk that would allow me to contempate and collect my thoughts and stare out at breathtaking views. I brought B along because I was thinking that we could enjoy this together yet still remain seperate in our thoughts somehow. I was quickly forced to rethink myself. B started talking and chatting almost immediately and at first I was able to carry on conversation with him and still maintain my inner quiet thoughts and communion with nature. However, as we continued walking I realized that this particular hike was not going to be the way I thought it was. Normally, at this point, when in a nature setting, I would begin to get annoyed that I had brought someone with me. Nature is very private to me and it is difficult to let anyone into my experience with it in the first place. So, I often become frusterated if I am not allowed to have my way specifically when I get the few and far between chance to walk in the woods. But this time something interesting happened. I actually allowed myself to get out of my personal bubble and I started to enjoy being outside and in the woods as a compliment to me and B's time together. Instead of seeing him as a part of my experience, I saw our situation as part of our experience together. Then I started to have a really good time. Sure, I didn't pay nearly as much attention to my surroundings as I would have if I had been with someone else or alone, but it didn't matter anymore. I let myself go and enjoyed what was happening and had a completely new experience. There has only been one other time that I have been faced with this situation and that was in Venice, Italy. Let's just say that Josh and I failed that one miserably, or maybe just me. I failed to adapt my experience and he failed to be sensitive to what I wanted and we basically clusterfucked everything into a big mess of mixed emotion.
Yesterday I had such a great time and I really appreciated the fact that B was such a trooper about things. I am aware that he is different than me and I appreciate that we balance eachother out so well. At this point, I am getting a little nervous because although I know that he is going away, I am starting to come to a point where I can't see myself without him. I mean, I know that very soon it is going to happen. There will be the first hour alone and I will not even notice that he is gone maybe, but what about that first day when I want to go rollerblading with someone, or I want to smoke a bowl and then go run around outside or I want the best sex I have had in a while? I am nervous for those moments. I accept them and can see ahead that there will be a lot of weakness in me but they just seem so impossible at this moment. I hope I make some more friends this year, maybe get back togeter (so to speak) with Cody and Dane and Sully. I have faith that something good will happen and that God works for the good of those who love him. It is just really hard to keep an eternal perspective at times when things seem so uncertain.
On with the rest of it all....so after we got home, B was going to leave to go work but instead we hung out at my house and yada yada and I really appreciated it. It was the perfect end to a day and when I went to sleep my body was so exausted, it was perfect. Everything was perfect and I was so happy. I havent gone to bed that physically satisfied in a long time. My body was tired and my mind was blank. I got to snuggle up and pass out with my kitty. That feeling was maybe the most memorable of the whole day.