One More Thing

Listening to Fallin' by Alisha Keys...so good. Forgot long ago about goodness levels.

I am the definition of classy

After telling my boyfriend that I didn't think I would be able to write a blog for a while, I of course changed my mind within the night and now feel a deep and burning desire to share my thoughts on packaged cheese with the world. I have been a fan of string cheese my whole life. When I was little, my mom never bought it for us deeming it too expensive and unnecessary. I agree wholeheartedly with her but that doesn't mean that I don't just love that little stick of cheese tucked in with the rest of my food for lunch at work (when i do actually have a job that requires bringing a lunch). I don't know what it is about separate packaging that makes an item so special. If there was a hunk of mozzarella cheese in a plastic bag, I would undoubtedly eat it but side by side, I would go for the tightly sealed, nearly impossible to open single serving of string cheese right away. Thats all string cheese is really, mozzarella cheese. All mozzarella cheese is stringy....anyyyyyway. Here is my point. My roommate recently bought a package of string cheese but not string cheese. Its Colby jack cheese sticks. Now, I love string cheese and I love tearing little bits of it off piece by piece and that is what makes string cheese marketable even though a block of mozzarella is essentially the same. However, Colby Jack is an altogether different market. I mean, come on! There is absolutely no reason anyone should fall for the trick of pre packaged boring old Colby jack. I know that I would personally never buy it (I really wouldn't) but still, I opened up the fridge tonight, saw our regular stick of Colby I could have taken a bite off of without even cutting it if I wanted, saw the "fun sized" Colby and grabbed that instead. The essence of America everyone. Anyway, it perturbs me that it is even an option to buy cheese in such ways in our society and it bothers me that despite my knowledge of marketing ploys the neat little wrapped piece of normal non stringy cheese still manages to capture my attention.
I am about to go smoke a bong. I thought it would be a mini bong as that was the way it was advertised to me by BFB. When I got to his house, I decided that any "piece" that is longer than the average dick should never be considered mini. This fucker is huge. I feel pretty silly smoking it alone. Oh Well. Such is life. Someday, I am going to have money and throw elaborate wine and cheese parties and sneak into my own closet in my fancy black dress to do a line of blow. Someday. For now I will stick to smoking giant mini bongs by myself in my sports bra and sweat pants. Oh man, I even have leftover Chinese food....movie reference of the day....
M: That was my mother, she just had a little Korean dropped off.
G: Oh that sounds good, lets have that...

Short

This week has been really hard. I fucked up like twice, first not accepting a job that I should have accepted in time, (secondofly) missing my Personal Training test because I had the date wrong. So completely wrong. I am trying to get a credit card but I don't know if I will be accepted with my bad credit from not paying certain bills on time. It all just seems to be piling up with nowhere to put my dirty laundry. The question is now becoming, when do I start looking for a sub-leaser? When do I say enough is enough? Often, finding a sub-leaser takes a while and when you don't find one you still need to pay for where you are living, so I feel like I should definitely get a start on it. I know this isn't a failure that is going to affect me for the rest of my life but at this point it sure feels like I will never get out. I am sorry to any potential readers of my blog, but at this point I don't think I can write about anything else.

So Many Memories of this Song

Car- Built to Spill
You get the car
I'll get the night off
You'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works
Don't let me know what you find out
I need a car
You need a guide
Who needs a map
If I don't die or worse I'm gonna need a nap
At best I'll be asleep when you get back
I wanna see it when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about
I wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller
I wanna see it now

I want specifics on the general idea
I wanna think what I should know
Want you to do me what to show
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see it when you get stoned on a cloudy desert breezy afternoon
I wanna see it untame itself and break its owner
I wanna see it now
I wanna see it now

Can't a girl get some sleep around here?

I don't feel like going to sleep. Haven't since 1:00 when I started thinking about it. So what have I been doing? Trying to look at porn. Well, for a bit. Then I quit because porn is...ummmm...gay? That might not be the word. I have always been mildly interested in porn but it seems like so much work to find it and like I have stated in previous posts, I don't really masturbate so it doesn't serve any real purpose. It's just something that I have always been curious about. Having so many guy friends, it has been around me for a long time. The problem is, not only is it kind of difficult to find (free stuff) but it fucking spams my computer hard and I am not good with getting rid of that type of thing. So I decided after about 5 minutes of looking at some sights so lovingly provided to me by a friend of mine, that I am not really interested in checking any more out. It was pretty offensive too, not the porn but the stuff that people wrote about the girls they were fucking. Not so much offensive to me, just hard to read. Its really hard to know that there are people out there who care so little about other people. And then, good upstanding citizens, men that I know and are friends with who I would consider to be respectful, find entertainment out of it. I am not really judging them. Hell, I think porn is pretty hot and I am sure guys think its hotter. It just makes me sad that it even exists and that we prescribe to it in the first place. Including myself.

I went to B's this weekend. There were a few really great moments, specifically the part where we met this fucking awesome guy who was fishing while we smoked a J. Then this part where we were climbing around on the bluffs and B jumped (fell) 65 feet (20 feet) to a near death (he was fine). My heart stopped in my throat and in one second I think I valued him more than I have yet. Its funny how something that small can terrify you. I mean, at the worst he would have broke an ankle or something. I was so sure he was going to die as he fell through the air. The odd part was he fell doing something I was going to do but then while he was taunting me for being scared I told him he should do it instead if he was going to make fun of me. Part of me is a little jealous. I have jumped/fell from things that were high up only twice but both times I felt extremely alive and the adrenaline rush is priceless.

My dads birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to get him. Probably something cheap because the money I will be spending on him is pretty much his anyway but still, it is the thought that counts. I take buying presents seriously. It is very important to me that I get something that I believe the person will actually like. It is a huge pet peeve of mine when I recieve or I see someone else receive an item that the other person clearly knows they will not like or just wants them to have. The example I gave B was the clothes my sister and mother buy for my father. Dress clothes. Trust me, he doesn't want them. However, another example came to mind. I love cologne on guys but I have never dated a guy who consistently wears it. B may be the closest and he doesn't all that often. Him wearing it is a sort of more recent thing. So, I would never buy a boyfriend cologne. I would almost prefer that a boyfriend buy himself cologne as a birthday present to me. If the guy I was dating really loved cologne, and had a few favorite kinds or similar tastes to me, then I might. But at this point, buying cologne for a boyfriend would be more of a gift to myself than anything. Anyway, I want my gift to my dad to be special. It is after all his 60th birthday, a respectable age for a respectable man. I love my dad so much and sometimes I don't think he really understands how much I respect him. I think what I admire the most is his steadfastness. The way he stands by things and doesn't break away. Sure he is stubborn, and sure his steadiness has been frusterating to me in the past. It is something that I strive for though, its something that I have had more of in the past and I don't particular do well currently.

Top 5 characteristics I would want people to associate with me someday
1. Honesty
2. Wisdom
3. Steadfastness
4. Humor
5. Empathy

This week is going to be crunch time before my big test on the 15th. I am pretty nervous because its very expensive and I really don't want to let my dad down. I feel like such a fucking failure to him, even though I know he doesn't see it that way. Hell, who am I kidding? I feel like a failure to myself. I owe it to myself to pass this test but I am actually scared that I won't. Oh well. I will just have to study really hard this week and first half of next. That is going to cut into some family time at the cabin, but I have to be ruthless about it. I am sure my mom would love to help me study. She's like me in that way. She has loved to help me study for things ever since I was a kid. We will have to see what happens. Tomorrow promises several hours at the Dunn Brothers by my house. Maybe I will migrate over to Muddsuckers later to get a delicious waffle.