Tonight is October 31st. Happy Halloween, All Hallows Eve etc. I had to get my sinking number of blogs per month up or else I am afraid it would be considered a trend. A huge trend obviously, that would proceed to be discussed on CNN, being that this blog is so popular.
So I was thinking just now. I was thinking about what exactly I am supposed to do with this blog now that I have a boyfriend. See, although he read my blog before, he didn't have such a direct effect on things being written in it. Now that we are dating, things that I may be feeling that are still blog appropriate may have to be written in my journal. There have always been things that I thought "belonged" in my journal or possibly were just not quite blog appropriate, but what about things that are so much easier to blog about because of the whole ability for me to stay on the same topic because I can type faster than I can write? When I am trying to work out things in my head that he has said that I disagree with or that challenge me, I am unsure as to weather I want to spend all that time journaling my thoughts out. Anyway, I will have to think about that because I always promised myself that I would blog as if nobody I knew was reading it.
My roommate and I skipped out on the main Halloween festivities this year which I was very glad about. I had a conversation with my sister the other night and we both agreed that the pressure to dress up slutty on Halloween is frustrating and also puts us in an awkward situation of forced creativity. Neither of us have ever liked it much, although I would say that if i have a good idea for a costume I tend to enjoy myself more than her. So when Bang decided that she was too sick to go outs last night I thanked my lucky stars because I did not want to get all the way downtown to a club in my fucking freezing cold apron and get rejected for wearing shoes for crews. I also didn't feel like comparing myself to other girls which is inevitable when you go out in a situation like Halloween, prom or a cocktail party. We went to Applebees instead and had a good time just sitting and chatting. I normally carry the conversation for the most part but tonight Bang was money. She chatted the whole time and let me just kind of stare off into space.
NEXT DAY
I had a pretty good study time today with Bang. We went to a coffee shop and although I usually don't like the atmosphere in coffee shops, I need to go somewhere to study that has a table and a chair. The only table in our house is right next to the cat box in our dirty kitchen. I sit at it only when I have cleaned really well right beforehand. I prefer coffee shops to campus libraries as well. In a perfect world I would go to a sweet old fashioned library with high vaulted ceilings and a coffee shop on the bottom level. So, I studied more out of my personal trainer book today and for the first time I learned some new stuff. It was refreshing because between personal trainer shit and aerobics I get a lot of double stuff that I feel like I should still read to refresh up on but it doesn't necessarily teach me anything new. But today I learned about why the human body is inefficient for lifting weight. I am also excited to start chapter four on nutrition even though I am sure it will be a lot of memorization. I just never get sick of reading about how different foods help your body and what your body needs to survive and flourish.
The other night on the phone with B I had some ideas that apparently were "bloggable." I seem to always have ideas like this but for some reason I feel like it is just so much work to blog about certain topics, especially when it comes to philosophy. I guess I just assume that the person who is reading it has no previous knowledge of the topic so I always feel the necessity of laying a foundation/background for the reader. I hate broken arguments and its important to me that they get the whole picture. This equals more typing than I am interested in and by the time I am done with the introduction I am no longer interested in sharing my amazing point of view with my reader. I Really need to learn to shorten my ideas and not feel that necessity to explain every little thing. I just worry that if things don't get explained that doesn't make it a sound argument when in reality this blog isn't some forum for philosophy but a copy and record of my thoughts over this time in my life. So I will make a short list of "bloggable" ideas I have had lately and it will be enough to remind myself of these ideas when I look back on this blog (hopefully).
1. Recently I have become interested again in the idea that when words are bolded, quoted or italicized in a sentance it totally changes the meaning of the sentence. I used to be obsessed with this idea but forgot about it for a short time until recently.
You ate the dog?!
You ate the dog?!
You ate the dog?!
You ate the dog?!
2. Lately reading so many old mystery books, mark twain, Henry James, etc. I have seen how downhill insults in our generation have gone. It used to be that insults were eloquent and the receiver of them was forced to make a more eloquent insult on return or lose the verbal battle. Sarcasm, as glorious as it is, can't come close to some of the insults that I have found in my most recent reads.
3. In my head, everything is connected by all the forces in the world. Gravity, air pressure, kinetic energy and such things are invisible to the average observer but they are often picked up by the subconscious or the body. There fore I believe that when something happens to someone that is often difficult to explain such as foresight or a connection between things occurs that is not provable it happens because forces come together to create something of a temporary bond or web that exerts a stronger force than usual on that person or event. Vague? Yes. But all part of my new plan.
So those are my three most recent bloggable items in a nice short concise numerical system. Huzzah for organization, a visible imprint of the way our brains work.
Time to talk a little bit about how amazing my boyfriend is. When he fixed my itunes he accidentally found 3 albums that I previously thought that I had lost on my computer. He took me out for the most yummy dinner on Friday night when he came to visit me this weekend. Yesterday when I was feeling shitty he kept me company and didn't feel uncomfortable about my suicidal tendencies. He made me laugh and made me think about big things that had nothing to do with me. He gives me perspective and keeps me sane. He is completely comfortable spending time with my family and even looks for opportunities to do so. Sometimes the gulf between us seems monstrous and sometimes I feel him closer than anything. Both of these feelings can come from one conversation. He is amazing and today I thought about him the whole day, so much so that I had to blog about it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Someday
I was doing the dishes just now, and of course as usual my mind was off somewhere else, thinking of the vast possibilities of human nature and many many deep philosophical ideas. Actually that isn't possible because that would mean I was somewhat smart or something and mostly I am just a Curious George monkey. But I was contemplating my life in some way and I started to think about what my life would be like when I have children. I have always assumed that I would be incapable of claiming the traditional stay at home mother role and that assumption was reinforced today. I just have a really difficult time making home my work. I have great respect for stay at home mothers. They work really hard and after their kids graduate from High School and move out of the house I believe they have every right to lay in bed and never move for the rest of their lives if they wish. I believe that the role of mother is more stressful, time consuming and hard work than almost any other job, except possibly king crab fishing in Alaska. So, my aversion to the traditional role of mother isn't stemming from some sexist thinking that the role itself is not to be respected, it comes from somewhere else. I don't think I could ever work from home either. To me, the act of going to work and coming home from work provides a distinct and important separation that I noticed and appreciated as soon as I got my first real job at Caribou coffee my junior year of high school. That is what has always pissed me off about school. School and home blend together so often with that dreaded word, homework. I remember walking out to my car for the first month or so after my new job and every night thinking I must have forgotten something, there must be something I need to grab or do before I leave. I just couldn't get over the fact that when I left my job my job was actually over. It was incredible and I still appreciate the feeling when I come back from a catering event or something similar. That feeling would never happen if I was a full time stay at home mother. Sure there would be breaks. I could go out to dinner or go on a retreat or just throw in the towel and walk out of the house for a while (I am guessing I will still do that). But there would never be that seperate feeling. I would never know when to quit, when to stop "working." I think that a lot of men who don't spend much time at home can't really comprehend the stress that can come from feeling like you have an endless amount of tasks that not only will never be accomplished, but it is your job to accomplish them and you never feel allowed to quit. I can't really even fully understand it, but doing dishes today, thinking on back over the last months of my unemployment, I saw quite clearly the depression that comes from a lack of separation in my life. I even noticed in high school, the busier I was, the more productive I was in keeping my room clean, fixing things at home, doing my homework and working. I think that if I was a full time mother the pressure would eventually build to me not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. Kids are obviously wonderful, they are a blessing and they would keep the monotony out of my day which is why I don't want a full time job either. I would love to be a mother and have a 20 hour a week job. I think that would be perfect. I believe kids need to grow up having day care sometimes, or staying with relatives. I want them to feel supported and loved by me but I think its important for kids to know that they are not the center of the universe and that everybody needs a little something that is their own in their lives. Even if that something is the sanctuary of work. It is also important because I think it increases the quality of the time spent with your kids when you do get that separation. It allows you to be at your best and to spend as much time as possible putting all your energy into what they are doing and thinking, rather than half assing it so that you can save energy for yourself. I can't wait to have children (adopted of course). I want to see their smiling faces and hear their absolutely terribly long stories. I want to find our time together to be special and I want them to know that I will always be there for them. I feel like, with my personality the only way to do that would be to have a job. That may change in the future but if my home was my work I would most likely blow it up.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Coming off a high and I still feel good
Coming off of the weekend this morning I thought I would be exhausted. However, I rolled out of bed with pretty good energy when I woke up and I felt damn good. I spent the weekend with B and we had an extremely good time. We didn't do as much stuff as I thought we were going to, and at first I felt bad about it because I thought maybe he would be bored but after a while I realized that it wasn't that we didn't do anything so much that we usually do an insaaaane amount of things and we just did a normal amount of things this weekend. It kinda sucked though because I developed Impentego or something weird that is supposedly pretty contagious so we spent quite a bit of the weekend taking showers. I hope that he doesn't get it but he was really cool about it in general which was nice because I felt generally disguesting especially Friday night.
I spent part of today going on a walk and collecting pretty leaves. I haven't done that in a really long time and at first I felt kinda silly. Kind of like a 4th grader when every leave she finds is better than the last in some way. After a while though, I started to become overwhelmed by the breathtaking quality that is the diversity of nature. It is actually completely fascinating to pick up the leaves, compare them and examine each little thing about each one. It really made me appreciate fall in a way that I haven't for a long time.
I am not really a political person and normally I wouldn't mention much about elections. But, I think that this is a crucial time in America, a time when people who consider themselves "not really a political person" need to get their act together and realize that you dont have to be a "political person" to be politically active. We live in this country too along with all the crazy poli sci majors and the pissed off angry young men. If we want to change this country at all and protect our nation from falling apart (which it is bound to at some point I just want to delay it a while) these upcoming elections are going to be very important. I want to take a second and endorse Al Franken for senate. Reading up on him, I admire his clear view of the turns that the republican and democrat parties have taken, and the practicality of his views. I think that his platform is a little vague but I guess its my responsibility to actually look up interviews he has had and get a little more narrowed down idea of what he believes. I love his realistic view of the immigration issue and his understanding of the potential positives of renewable energy, not just because of global warming but also in its ability to create more jobs for people in the midwest.
I don't have much time to write so I think thats it for now. I am sure sometime this week I will have more to say.
I spent part of today going on a walk and collecting pretty leaves. I haven't done that in a really long time and at first I felt kinda silly. Kind of like a 4th grader when every leave she finds is better than the last in some way. After a while though, I started to become overwhelmed by the breathtaking quality that is the diversity of nature. It is actually completely fascinating to pick up the leaves, compare them and examine each little thing about each one. It really made me appreciate fall in a way that I haven't for a long time.
I am not really a political person and normally I wouldn't mention much about elections. But, I think that this is a crucial time in America, a time when people who consider themselves "not really a political person" need to get their act together and realize that you dont have to be a "political person" to be politically active. We live in this country too along with all the crazy poli sci majors and the pissed off angry young men. If we want to change this country at all and protect our nation from falling apart (which it is bound to at some point I just want to delay it a while) these upcoming elections are going to be very important. I want to take a second and endorse Al Franken for senate. Reading up on him, I admire his clear view of the turns that the republican and democrat parties have taken, and the practicality of his views. I think that his platform is a little vague but I guess its my responsibility to actually look up interviews he has had and get a little more narrowed down idea of what he believes. I love his realistic view of the immigration issue and his understanding of the potential positives of renewable energy, not just because of global warming but also in its ability to create more jobs for people in the midwest.
I don't have much time to write so I think thats it for now. I am sure sometime this week I will have more to say.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I Thank God
I was just in my room dawdling around and suddenly something hit me. I mean, I have thought of it before but it hit me pretty hard just now. I am so blessed. I may have to move home with my parents and I may never get a job and end up a homeless thirty somethings, but I am so blessed. First of all, I live in America where there is tons of food in garbage cans that I will be able to find. I mean really. If I was homeless in a poor country because some stupid fucking Corporation kicked me off my land to build a Mono cropping empire it would way more difficult to survive. I mean, really survive. Not just live in a crappy house or a box and scavenge for food, but I would literally not have any, like I literally don't have money right now.
Also, I am blessed in smaller ways. I have had this same damn computer since I was a freshman in high school. It's a pile of shit that runs but only because I have so many brilliant computer friends that help me out. If it wasn't for them I would have trashed it a long time ago and then looking for jobs, keeping myself from getting depressed and learning interesting things would be way more difficult. I mean, I am not 100% reliant on my computer but it often makes my life much easier and makes it possible in this era for me to not spend all that extra money on a cell phone because I can usually get ahold of people instantly through facebook or email. So I thank God for the brilliant friends I have that are willing to spend so much time on my computer.
I thank God for my ability to cook. I mean yea, anyone can teach themselves to cook if they try, but I really have a knack for it and it saves me a lot of money that I would have spent on frozen dinners. Of course I leave the stuff I cooked out overnight half the time and end up throwing it away but still, compared to some of my friends, I spend way less money for way more food and it goes a lot further. In this I thank God for my mother, who taught me how to cook and inspired me to love food the way I do. On that note I thank God that my parents raised me to look for deals, to cut coupons to shop for sales and to go to the 2 dollar movie on Tuesdays so its only one dollar (In all fairness its really my sister who did that). I know it sounds like stupid little things but I have a lot of friends (specifically guy friends) who don't understand that concept and literally can't see a deal if its right in front of them (at the grocery store).
I thank God that he has allowed me free access to a gym. I don't use it as often as I should but I would go crazy if I didn't have anywhere to work out in the winter and if I wasn't an aerobics instructor for the U I wouldn't be able to afford anything like a gym membership at this point in my life.
I thank God that for this coupon that my roommate gave me that entitles me to a free meal at bakers square every day for a month.
I thank God for a boyfriend who gives me a new boost every two weeks when I get to see him.
I thank God for giving me so many rainy days this fall to enjoy and look at
I thank God for an apt. building that has heat that works
I thank God for the fact that if I do have to move home my parents have a downstairs large enough to give me some privacy
I thank God that I almost never have to pay for weed
I thank God for a church that is so close, as opposed to 30 minutes away like when I was little
I thank God for my brand new shoes I didn't have to pay for
Thats enough for now but it is never really enough. I have been so selfish lately and looking inward to an infinite degree. God is good and just and loving and perfect and I am humbled by his grace
Also, I am blessed in smaller ways. I have had this same damn computer since I was a freshman in high school. It's a pile of shit that runs but only because I have so many brilliant computer friends that help me out. If it wasn't for them I would have trashed it a long time ago and then looking for jobs, keeping myself from getting depressed and learning interesting things would be way more difficult. I mean, I am not 100% reliant on my computer but it often makes my life much easier and makes it possible in this era for me to not spend all that extra money on a cell phone because I can usually get ahold of people instantly through facebook or email. So I thank God for the brilliant friends I have that are willing to spend so much time on my computer.
I thank God for my ability to cook. I mean yea, anyone can teach themselves to cook if they try, but I really have a knack for it and it saves me a lot of money that I would have spent on frozen dinners. Of course I leave the stuff I cooked out overnight half the time and end up throwing it away but still, compared to some of my friends, I spend way less money for way more food and it goes a lot further. In this I thank God for my mother, who taught me how to cook and inspired me to love food the way I do. On that note I thank God that my parents raised me to look for deals, to cut coupons to shop for sales and to go to the 2 dollar movie on Tuesdays so its only one dollar (In all fairness its really my sister who did that). I know it sounds like stupid little things but I have a lot of friends (specifically guy friends) who don't understand that concept and literally can't see a deal if its right in front of them (at the grocery store).
I thank God that he has allowed me free access to a gym. I don't use it as often as I should but I would go crazy if I didn't have anywhere to work out in the winter and if I wasn't an aerobics instructor for the U I wouldn't be able to afford anything like a gym membership at this point in my life.
I thank God that for this coupon that my roommate gave me that entitles me to a free meal at bakers square every day for a month.
I thank God for a boyfriend who gives me a new boost every two weeks when I get to see him.
I thank God for giving me so many rainy days this fall to enjoy and look at
I thank God for an apt. building that has heat that works
I thank God for the fact that if I do have to move home my parents have a downstairs large enough to give me some privacy
I thank God that I almost never have to pay for weed
I thank God for a church that is so close, as opposed to 30 minutes away like when I was little
I thank God for my brand new shoes I didn't have to pay for
Thats enough for now but it is never really enough. I have been so selfish lately and looking inward to an infinite degree. God is good and just and loving and perfect and I am humbled by his grace
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
The Death of a Christian
Please don't hate me forever
I had to leave
Had to say goodbye.
In life there are these ties we sever
always there
no matter if we want or try.
Endings meet middles
In wide circles
And in time surpass
All we know of our riddles
Every long night in sweet summers grass.
The distance was so great
so great from me to destiny.
I finished my plate (a good girl)
but I can't always be.
Now precious bits of moments
stick
lightly clinging to
my chest, heart, my soul
And as the world laments
And my breath comes fast
I feel in sudden rush
whole.
Please don't hate me forever
I had to leave
Had to say goodbye.
In life there are these ties we sever
always there
no matter if we want or try.
Endings meet middles
In wide circles
And in time surpass
All we know of our riddles
Every long night in sweet summers grass.
The distance was so great
so great from me to destiny.
I finished my plate (a good girl)
but I can't always be.
Now precious bits of moments
stick
lightly clinging to
my chest, heart, my soul
And as the world laments
And my breath comes fast
I feel in sudden rush
whole.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Hell Yea this is Bloggable
Man, I am just being fucking pulled around right now. I had such an incredible weekend, and up until about twenty minutes ago I was feeling great. Then, I had to grow a pair and tell a friend of mine something that he didn't want to hear. The reaction was in essence not good and now I am faced with the closing of doors that I have had my foot in forever. I hope it is worth it. I really hope it is. I have a couple more doors to close before I can rest easily on the issue and I am hoping they go a little better than this one did. I think they will. This situation has been sticky for a long time and in some ways I am happy that there is no longer any confusion on the issue but I am also unsure of what to expect next. Good job me, way to be so vague that when I come back to read this in 5 years I will be like, "What the hell was I talking about?"
Other than that bit though, like I said. Incredible weekend. My significant other asked me weather he thought this weekend was bloggable. I kept my mouth shut but my answer is obviously yes. I think one of the best parts was attending a family event at his parent's house with him. Not so much because I am dyyyying to be part of his family but there were so many little kids there and I just got to play and play with them after they got less confused and scared by my presence. I also got to see the B playing with them which is absolutely priceless. He is so adorable with little kids. Guys should really figure out that girls loooooove seeing them with kids but I think it often escapes their attention. I also ended up getting fairly drunk and having an extensive tipsy conversation with B's mother which was enjoyable at the least. I really like talking to her even though we don't necessarily agree on everything, but she is just so funny and cute sometimes. Anyway, today we went for a walk and the fall colors were so gorgeous, maybe even moreso than my trip to the bluffs. The river always holds new surprises and even though I am more than familiar with the paths we took today, everything just seemed so new and wet and beautiful. B let me put his glasses on for a few minutes and I kept feeling like I was running into some sort of nature poster.
So many interesting issues were brought up this weekend. We had such a great time talking and I really felt like I got to learn a few new things about B. I often end up being the only one to share my opinions and I really attempted to make a conscious effort to learn a few of his. I love listening to him talk and I love asking him questions about himself. I wanna get better at the asking part and I hope I do. Speaking of getting better, the final amazing thing about the weekend was that the sex was phenomenomanal. So good and it just kept getting better. I had a bit of an intense mental moment when we did something that I have never done before together. Wow. We don't intend on making this thing a habit but....Wow. Thats all I have to say about that.
B also reminded me about my previous obsession with the computer game Elasto Mania which is just this weird 2D biker game where you just bike around trying to find apples. Its super sweet and kind of addicting to play and I have a feeling I will be playing more of it again soon. It has been a sufficient amount of time now, as I got sick of it last time. I really had almost nothing to blog about and at the same time everything to blog about today. I do believe that this weekend was at least of note to get it on the blog although as usual, details and small itty bitty thoughts will be presented in journal format. A few of the issues that we talked about I will continue to mull and hopefully I will put them in a better form at some time or another soon.
Other than that bit though, like I said. Incredible weekend. My significant other asked me weather he thought this weekend was bloggable. I kept my mouth shut but my answer is obviously yes. I think one of the best parts was attending a family event at his parent's house with him. Not so much because I am dyyyying to be part of his family but there were so many little kids there and I just got to play and play with them after they got less confused and scared by my presence. I also got to see the B playing with them which is absolutely priceless. He is so adorable with little kids. Guys should really figure out that girls loooooove seeing them with kids but I think it often escapes their attention. I also ended up getting fairly drunk and having an extensive tipsy conversation with B's mother which was enjoyable at the least. I really like talking to her even though we don't necessarily agree on everything, but she is just so funny and cute sometimes. Anyway, today we went for a walk and the fall colors were so gorgeous, maybe even moreso than my trip to the bluffs. The river always holds new surprises and even though I am more than familiar with the paths we took today, everything just seemed so new and wet and beautiful. B let me put his glasses on for a few minutes and I kept feeling like I was running into some sort of nature poster.
So many interesting issues were brought up this weekend. We had such a great time talking and I really felt like I got to learn a few new things about B. I often end up being the only one to share my opinions and I really attempted to make a conscious effort to learn a few of his. I love listening to him talk and I love asking him questions about himself. I wanna get better at the asking part and I hope I do. Speaking of getting better, the final amazing thing about the weekend was that the sex was phenomenomanal. So good and it just kept getting better. I had a bit of an intense mental moment when we did something that I have never done before together. Wow. We don't intend on making this thing a habit but....Wow. Thats all I have to say about that.
B also reminded me about my previous obsession with the computer game Elasto Mania which is just this weird 2D biker game where you just bike around trying to find apples. Its super sweet and kind of addicting to play and I have a feeling I will be playing more of it again soon. It has been a sufficient amount of time now, as I got sick of it last time. I really had almost nothing to blog about and at the same time everything to blog about today. I do believe that this weekend was at least of note to get it on the blog although as usual, details and small itty bitty thoughts will be presented in journal format. A few of the issues that we talked about I will continue to mull and hopefully I will put them in a better form at some time or another soon.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Ready, Aim, Marry Me
I am in my room wearing about a dozen layers. This could be an exaggeration but you wouldn't know would you? Either way, its fucking freezing in here so if my typing trails off it's because my fingers have frozen and I have fallen face first into a warm hypothermia induced coma. If I could choose any dramatic way to die it would definitely be hypothermia because instead of freezing your ass off, at the end of it you start to feel really warm and all you wanna do is sit down. Sounds like a peaceful way to die dramatically to me. WIN and WIN.
I am really glad for my close friends. My roommate especially. Last night we went to Baker Square for her to get some studying done (laughable but good effort Bang) and I went for free food. She works there and they were giving out these coupons to a few of the employees for a free cafe menu item every day for this entire month! That means I get free food every day which is probably the most awesome present I have ever encountered. So last night I got a delicious sandwich and we hung out and nerded out over old videos of our cat when we first got him. Her cat. When she first got him. I also really appreciate my friend Stacey who is not close to me at all but he is just so wonderful. See, most of my friends, specifically my guy friends, who wanna spend time with me oh maybe once a month or less, either a. had a crush on me a long time ago and still secretly nurse feelings for me, or b. want some action. Stacey is neither of these. I appreciate his ability to stay a good friend and hang out whenever we both have time and his genuine interest in me as a person. We have so little in common, but he makes me feel safe and loved. So theres my double shout out for the day.
This weekend I went to B for boyfriend (:):):))'s house down in WI for the first time. I got to meet his roommates and see his world. Most of that stuff belongs in my journal but I would like to state for the record that it was a really good time and I genuinely appreciated being let in and even welcomed whereas some guys are quite uneasy about combining the two worlds. We did however come across a subject that I would like to explore a little more in detail in my blog. We were talking about people living together or something ( I don't know how it came up) and he was stating that he thought that living together was a sort of necessary step and the final step before he would ask someone to marry him. Of course I parried with the statement that I would never ever live with someone before I was married to them. He questioned this and I gave a quick overview of my reasoning but I didn't really go in depth. I questioned myself about it later and still came up with the same answer and now would like to go into depth about my reasoning on the issue. Besides my original reason, that I have the rest of my life to live with this person, why rush? I have many other reasons for this belief. I think the core of it comes down to American culture today. There are countries in the world with arranged marriages that are so much more successful than here. Now, I know a lot of those are because the women are not allowed out of them, or divorce is not socially a possiblity there, but there is a somewhat famous quote that a man from India said at some time or another. I heard it once in church. He said, "In America you marry the woman you love, In India we love the woman we marry." This statement reflects strongly the fallacies of the American dream. America, it seems to me is a county where we want everything to work for us. It is a country where we believe that we can change our social status, our level of wealth, our place of living whenever we want. If we are unhappy with what we have we work to find a new thing to make us happy. This attitude can be good but it can also be very detrimental. It banks on the fact that everything can be thrown away, we don't need to be forced to be happy with anything. Even our bodies can be changed with painful plastic surgeries. This may sound dramatic but I see a reflection of this on American marriages. When they don't work for us, we mold our lives to make us more happy, we don't mold ourselves to make us more happy. I truly believe that I know about 15 guys that I could probably marry and be reasonably happy with. Yes, I wouldn't want to marry most of those guys and yes I will continue to look for "the one" but I believe that a right state of mind and a caring biblical relationship is necessary to success in a marriage. And now I come to my real argument (finally). The number of people living together before marriage is skyrocketing. I don't think that these people are bad pagan people who just want all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. I see these growing numbers as a reflection of a generation of children affected by divorce. These children have grown up and they want their marriages to succeed. So they think to themselves, "What better way to know if this is the person that I want to marry than by living with them?" They genuinely want to succeed with their partner. The question is, where does it end? Lets say that these people considering marriage decide to live together for six months, they do, it works, they are happy. They get married. They have children. Suddenly they are fighting all the time, have no time to spend together and get divorced. Living together didn't foresee the consequences of children. Or lets just say they are living together, they have babies, they decide to get married. They are married for 6 years and the husband cheats and the wife divorces him. Who could have seen that coming? My point is, no matter how long two people live together without getting married, there are still going to be unforseen circumstances that come up once they are married. I believe that it is better to get to know a person, really get to know them, understand their flaws, accept their weaknesses, work together and then take a leap of faith together in marriage. Yes there is still the possibility of failure, but there is a point where you just have to say "I'm in." To me, living together is probably gonna be one of the most exciting parts about the newness of marriage. Its those first three lovebird years where couples that you know want to fucking gag because you can't get off of each other. Where are those years when you live together first? I think that those years are the years that you work your ass off to build a strong marriage. It's where you are forced to discover that your significant other, no matter what you do will not stop leaving his underwear on the kitchen table (this could be a real psychological issue and I strongly recommend counseling if it is one) and you accept it and start leaving a hamper on the table for him to put it in. Now, I know that if you lived together first, you would already know this and it would factor into your deciding to marry, but that is my point about the American culture. If I love someone and know so much about someone that I am ready to live with them, then I am ready to marry them, because I will not bow to the concept that everything should come ready fit for me. You've got to mold yourself sometimes and I wouldn't miss that prime exciting opportunity of the first few years of a new marriage to do that. I have heard so many stories of people growing to love each other, growing to accept faults. It is possible!!! Honestly, I have no statistics to back this up but I do believe that many marriages that do fail aren't due to the surprises that first living together have to offer, but more a slow falling out over long years and then eventually waking up next to the person you once loved and realizing that you don't know them. I do understand that living together does troubleshoot a lot of areas and I understand that it is my CHOICE to not troubleshoot things before they come up by living with someone. My point isn't so much to argue that living together is completely ineffective but that is not the answer that this generation should be looking for to avoid the tragedies of divorce. There needs to be an attitude shift, an understanding if you will of ones inability to foresee trouble and one's personal responsibility to accept imperfection as part of the human experience.
I am really glad for my close friends. My roommate especially. Last night we went to Baker Square for her to get some studying done (laughable but good effort Bang) and I went for free food. She works there and they were giving out these coupons to a few of the employees for a free cafe menu item every day for this entire month! That means I get free food every day which is probably the most awesome present I have ever encountered. So last night I got a delicious sandwich and we hung out and nerded out over old videos of our cat when we first got him. Her cat. When she first got him. I also really appreciate my friend Stacey who is not close to me at all but he is just so wonderful. See, most of my friends, specifically my guy friends, who wanna spend time with me oh maybe once a month or less, either a. had a crush on me a long time ago and still secretly nurse feelings for me, or b. want some action. Stacey is neither of these. I appreciate his ability to stay a good friend and hang out whenever we both have time and his genuine interest in me as a person. We have so little in common, but he makes me feel safe and loved. So theres my double shout out for the day.
This weekend I went to B for boyfriend (:):):))'s house down in WI for the first time. I got to meet his roommates and see his world. Most of that stuff belongs in my journal but I would like to state for the record that it was a really good time and I genuinely appreciated being let in and even welcomed whereas some guys are quite uneasy about combining the two worlds. We did however come across a subject that I would like to explore a little more in detail in my blog. We were talking about people living together or something ( I don't know how it came up) and he was stating that he thought that living together was a sort of necessary step and the final step before he would ask someone to marry him. Of course I parried with the statement that I would never ever live with someone before I was married to them. He questioned this and I gave a quick overview of my reasoning but I didn't really go in depth. I questioned myself about it later and still came up with the same answer and now would like to go into depth about my reasoning on the issue. Besides my original reason, that I have the rest of my life to live with this person, why rush? I have many other reasons for this belief. I think the core of it comes down to American culture today. There are countries in the world with arranged marriages that are so much more successful than here. Now, I know a lot of those are because the women are not allowed out of them, or divorce is not socially a possiblity there, but there is a somewhat famous quote that a man from India said at some time or another. I heard it once in church. He said, "In America you marry the woman you love, In India we love the woman we marry." This statement reflects strongly the fallacies of the American dream. America, it seems to me is a county where we want everything to work for us. It is a country where we believe that we can change our social status, our level of wealth, our place of living whenever we want. If we are unhappy with what we have we work to find a new thing to make us happy. This attitude can be good but it can also be very detrimental. It banks on the fact that everything can be thrown away, we don't need to be forced to be happy with anything. Even our bodies can be changed with painful plastic surgeries. This may sound dramatic but I see a reflection of this on American marriages. When they don't work for us, we mold our lives to make us more happy, we don't mold ourselves to make us more happy. I truly believe that I know about 15 guys that I could probably marry and be reasonably happy with. Yes, I wouldn't want to marry most of those guys and yes I will continue to look for "the one" but I believe that a right state of mind and a caring biblical relationship is necessary to success in a marriage. And now I come to my real argument (finally). The number of people living together before marriage is skyrocketing. I don't think that these people are bad pagan people who just want all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. I see these growing numbers as a reflection of a generation of children affected by divorce. These children have grown up and they want their marriages to succeed. So they think to themselves, "What better way to know if this is the person that I want to marry than by living with them?" They genuinely want to succeed with their partner. The question is, where does it end? Lets say that these people considering marriage decide to live together for six months, they do, it works, they are happy. They get married. They have children. Suddenly they are fighting all the time, have no time to spend together and get divorced. Living together didn't foresee the consequences of children. Or lets just say they are living together, they have babies, they decide to get married. They are married for 6 years and the husband cheats and the wife divorces him. Who could have seen that coming? My point is, no matter how long two people live together without getting married, there are still going to be unforseen circumstances that come up once they are married. I believe that it is better to get to know a person, really get to know them, understand their flaws, accept their weaknesses, work together and then take a leap of faith together in marriage. Yes there is still the possibility of failure, but there is a point where you just have to say "I'm in." To me, living together is probably gonna be one of the most exciting parts about the newness of marriage. Its those first three lovebird years where couples that you know want to fucking gag because you can't get off of each other. Where are those years when you live together first? I think that those years are the years that you work your ass off to build a strong marriage. It's where you are forced to discover that your significant other, no matter what you do will not stop leaving his underwear on the kitchen table (this could be a real psychological issue and I strongly recommend counseling if it is one) and you accept it and start leaving a hamper on the table for him to put it in. Now, I know that if you lived together first, you would already know this and it would factor into your deciding to marry, but that is my point about the American culture. If I love someone and know so much about someone that I am ready to live with them, then I am ready to marry them, because I will not bow to the concept that everything should come ready fit for me. You've got to mold yourself sometimes and I wouldn't miss that prime exciting opportunity of the first few years of a new marriage to do that. I have heard so many stories of people growing to love each other, growing to accept faults. It is possible!!! Honestly, I have no statistics to back this up but I do believe that many marriages that do fail aren't due to the surprises that first living together have to offer, but more a slow falling out over long years and then eventually waking up next to the person you once loved and realizing that you don't know them. I do understand that living together does troubleshoot a lot of areas and I understand that it is my CHOICE to not troubleshoot things before they come up by living with someone. My point isn't so much to argue that living together is completely ineffective but that is not the answer that this generation should be looking for to avoid the tragedies of divorce. There needs to be an attitude shift, an understanding if you will of ones inability to foresee trouble and one's personal responsibility to accept imperfection as part of the human experience.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Meh
Not sure how to start this blog....
I have this new plan. My plan is to get really in shape. This plan probably won't work. As usual.
Yea, the thing is, I have been working out quite a bit lately. So much so that I am sore about 98% of the time and I said to myself yesterday, "self, you're already sore all the time from running, why not add a little bit of soreness from lifting too?" So I am going to get back into lifting. This will happen. Now that its on my blog it will definitely happen. Right? Yea, just like me getting a job has happened. But I am serious about it. I mean, I literally have all the time in the world right now. Why not get back into shape muscularly?
Also, I am going to stop smoking as much as I do. It has gotten to the point where I am smoking almost everyday if not everyday and I don't get high anymore so much as just really dizzy and kind of confused. I am going to save smoking for the weekends and thats just it (Thursdays count as weekends). In that department, I was thinking the other day why I feel like I just have no new ideas. I realized that I do get plenty of new ideas but only about 8% of them actually get remembered and about 8% of those are even good ideas. After that theres about a 2% chance that I will remember to write them down. So today, I am going out to purchase my first real school supply in years. I am going to purchase the mini notepad and mini pen. We will see how that goes.
I am reading this book right now, Listening to the Beliefs of Emerging Churches. So far it is very interesting. I have been kind of skeptical about the emerging church, as people I know who affiliate with it tend to have extremely wishy washy theology. So far in the book, I have found this to be kind of true but they really do have some interesting points about where theology meets practice and how to minister to a generation that is in a religious crisis. This is definitely a book I would recommend. Anyway, I guess I really had very little to say in my blog today but for some reason I just felt like writing in it.
I have this new plan. My plan is to get really in shape. This plan probably won't work. As usual.
Yea, the thing is, I have been working out quite a bit lately. So much so that I am sore about 98% of the time and I said to myself yesterday, "self, you're already sore all the time from running, why not add a little bit of soreness from lifting too?" So I am going to get back into lifting. This will happen. Now that its on my blog it will definitely happen. Right? Yea, just like me getting a job has happened. But I am serious about it. I mean, I literally have all the time in the world right now. Why not get back into shape muscularly?
Also, I am going to stop smoking as much as I do. It has gotten to the point where I am smoking almost everyday if not everyday and I don't get high anymore so much as just really dizzy and kind of confused. I am going to save smoking for the weekends and thats just it (Thursdays count as weekends). In that department, I was thinking the other day why I feel like I just have no new ideas. I realized that I do get plenty of new ideas but only about 8% of them actually get remembered and about 8% of those are even good ideas. After that theres about a 2% chance that I will remember to write them down. So today, I am going out to purchase my first real school supply in years. I am going to purchase the mini notepad and mini pen. We will see how that goes.
I am reading this book right now, Listening to the Beliefs of Emerging Churches. So far it is very interesting. I have been kind of skeptical about the emerging church, as people I know who affiliate with it tend to have extremely wishy washy theology. So far in the book, I have found this to be kind of true but they really do have some interesting points about where theology meets practice and how to minister to a generation that is in a religious crisis. This is definitely a book I would recommend. Anyway, I guess I really had very little to say in my blog today but for some reason I just felt like writing in it.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
15 ways to be a more conscientious citizen without recycling
1. Don't let the water run while you're brushing your teeth
2. Make a conscious effort to take shorter showers
3. When you find a glass of water from earlier in the day with maybe only a quarter cup left, instead of tossing that bit down the sink and refilling it, drink that bit and then if you're still thirsty refill it
4. Use your old socks, towels etc as rags for wiping up spills or dusting instead of paper towels
5. Don't use a napkin when you don't need one
6. Rewash your plastic silverware once and reuse before throwing them away.
7. GIRLS: You don't need nine sheets of toilet paper to wipe your piss.
8. Sanitize your kitchen sponges every day or week or whatever instead of throwing them away for new ones. Send them through the dishwasher or heat some bleach water up in a pan and boil them for one minute.
9. When you are finally done with that kitchen sponge use it as a bathroom sponge
10. Reuse your old target and grocery store plastic bags as bathroom trash can liners and kitty litter or dog poop pickup bags
11. Instead of using a notepad to write yourself little reminders you can use pieces of leftover junk mail, envelopes, old homework etc.
12. When cooking, make large portions and refrigerate or freeze the leftovers to avoid throwing away half a can of chicken broth, tomato paste etc.
13.Turn off the lights! It's hard to remember, but for most of the day, even in the winter from 9-5 lights are not really necessary.
14. Use a whole notebook. When it is time to buy your kids (or yourself) new school supplies, go through old notebooks and tear out pages before you make your list. Nobody uses a whole notebook in a year.
15. Ride your bike. Not only will it help you get in shape and save gas, its often even faster than getting somewhere using public transportation if you live in the city.
Not that recycling isn't an amazing way to help out this planet, but these are small ways that you as a citizen can make a difference with just a little organization and minimal effort.
2. Make a conscious effort to take shorter showers
3. When you find a glass of water from earlier in the day with maybe only a quarter cup left, instead of tossing that bit down the sink and refilling it, drink that bit and then if you're still thirsty refill it
4. Use your old socks, towels etc as rags for wiping up spills or dusting instead of paper towels
5. Don't use a napkin when you don't need one
6. Rewash your plastic silverware once and reuse before throwing them away.
7. GIRLS: You don't need nine sheets of toilet paper to wipe your piss.
8. Sanitize your kitchen sponges every day or week or whatever instead of throwing them away for new ones. Send them through the dishwasher or heat some bleach water up in a pan and boil them for one minute.
9. When you are finally done with that kitchen sponge use it as a bathroom sponge
10. Reuse your old target and grocery store plastic bags as bathroom trash can liners and kitty litter or dog poop pickup bags
11. Instead of using a notepad to write yourself little reminders you can use pieces of leftover junk mail, envelopes, old homework etc.
12. When cooking, make large portions and refrigerate or freeze the leftovers to avoid throwing away half a can of chicken broth, tomato paste etc.
13.Turn off the lights! It's hard to remember, but for most of the day, even in the winter from 9-5 lights are not really necessary.
14. Use a whole notebook. When it is time to buy your kids (or yourself) new school supplies, go through old notebooks and tear out pages before you make your list. Nobody uses a whole notebook in a year.
15. Ride your bike. Not only will it help you get in shape and save gas, its often even faster than getting somewhere using public transportation if you live in the city.
Not that recycling isn't an amazing way to help out this planet, but these are small ways that you as a citizen can make a difference with just a little organization and minimal effort.
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Martha
Kicking ass as usual